Today is the 13th December 2013. 

Disappointments. 

When would they ever end, oh boy. And they often come just when you least expect it, making it worse or perhaps that's the whole idea. 

I am not someone who talks a lot, even amongst my own family, but that doesn't mean I'm not engaging myself into the conversations around. I still listen but I hate talking unnecessarily, and most of the time, I realized I've made the right choice. All these while when I thought my new colleagues were oh-so-welcoming and hey-you'd-fit-in-just-right, I was wrong. It goes to show where I stand when they leave me out on a birthday surprise. I was right there at my desk. Now it disgust me when I recall all the laughter and lunch time together all these while. 

Thanks, but no thanks, I prefer those who'd just treat me like a stranger than those who smile and share jokes with but don't really count you in. 

Working in a big firm, I guess, this is just the start to seeing the real world. It's devastating to see how the corporate world has burnt away basic humanity. I have come to realise that physical looks does impact the way you get treated, let alone those who are obviously different from normal. When mistakes happen and you're ugly, you'll get shouted at, told off straight in the face or even rejected without having a chance to start your very first word of explanation. But when you're average to good looking, people play politics. They'll say it's okay, they'll tell you what to do if it happens again, they'll let the whole world know you did wrong and cc e-mails to the big bosses. Well literally the ugly people get the scoldings and the politics back to back. Perhaps people don't realize how they react differently or sometimes it's too late, but apologies don't cost money. 

And I feel sad for them, because the least I could do is to treat them differently myself, respect their differences and be equal. 

How often do we stop and feel for people at the receiving end? All the harsh words they hear, all the body language they see and all the emotions swelling up to our replies. 

I just wish I would have one best of the best bff, whom, I could share all my thoughts with, one who knows all my dirty little secrets and I wouldn't have to worry about texting her all the time even if she's with bf or other great friends. Coz we would be each other's only bff.